The solo mum and the crystal ball

Solo mum family

I vividly recall light-heartedly telling my mum then that if I was still single at the age of 35 I would have a baby alone and she could help me take care of it. I was 31 and had just ended a relationship with a man everyone thought I would marry. But I wasn’t prepared to settle for the crumbs of a relationship he was prepared to offer me.

I must have had a crystal ball because, although it took a bit longer than predicted, that’s pretty much exactly where we’ve ended up.

My solo mum fate

At 37, after a particularly painful heart-break, I realised I couldn’t go on repeating the same mistakes. My trust in myself to make good choices when it came to relationships was completely destroyed. Wanting a baby and feeling like I was running out of time clouded my judgment about who was right for me, and who was wrong.

I couldn’t sit there and leave it in the hands of fate. In 20 years of dating Mr Right hadn’t come along, so what was the chance he was going to come along in the next five minutes!?

So, with my back to the wall, I decided to take control. I started exploring the possibility of using a sperm donor to get pregnant.

Finding a solo mum community

I found an online community of single mothers by choice and talked to other women in the same position. Other women who’d already made the choice. Slowly this ‘out there’ thing that ‘other women’ did became something I could see myself doing too.

I remember my heart thumping with nerves as I waited to see my GP to ask him for a referral to a fertility clinic. What if he laughed in my face? What if there wasn’t any donor sperm available? What if it didn’t work? What if it DID work and I couldn’t cope alone?

What if, what if, what if???

Somehow I dealt with the what-ifs, and in September 2010 my fertility specialist showed me the bundle of cells she was about to put into my womb.

In May 2011 my beautiful girl was born. ‍

It’s hasn’t been a smooth ride. I won’t sugar coat it. But that bundle of cells is now a squealing, giggling beautiful girl who loves riding ponies, sings The Greatest Showman tunes at the top of her lungs and gives the best cuddles ever.

When did you realise you needed to go it alone? Or perhaps just realised it’s your fate? What led to you making that decision?

Tell me in the comments.

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  1. I love your header. It describes me perfectly. It was an incredibly difficult decision but from the start it was as if the universe destined this choice for me. Except that I chose to adopt a baby. He’s now 22 years old and I have been through the some serious challenges with him. But I would not be the same person without him.

    1. I’m so glad the message of this site means something to you Poovanesh. Congratulations on your achievement. Seeing the man you raised single-handedly out in the world must be quite something! I’m clinging on to my daughter’s childhood but at the same time can’t wait to see the young woman she becomes. xx

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